Stoic Therapy

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist of fifteen years, I have worked with people who have been through terrible trauma. One man's father killed himself on the man's birthday. The next year, his brother killed himself on the man's birthday. "I hate my birthday," the man told me. I would hate it too!

Another man came to group with a broken leg, arm, and bandaged head. He said he had driven off a cliff to kill himself, he had tried to kill himself eleven different ways, but none of them had worked. "I'm just meant to live," he said.

A woman inherited a house from her mother. Her husband convinced her to put his name on the house. Her husband took her name off the house, sold it, kept the money for himself, and filed for divorce.

A woman's sister convinced their mother to put her house in the sister's name then kicked the mother out onto the street. The co-worker took their mother into her own home.

A young boy was tied up, being forced to eat and go to the bathroom like an animal.

Another boy was sexually abused and forced to drink his own urine.

How do we react in the face of such experiences? How do we cope with them? One way is to turn to the wisdom of the ancients.

Stoicism got its name from a "stoa" or "porch," where Stoics met to teach, learn, and discuss. Stoics rejected Hedonism for two reasons: 1. Pain is unavoidable. 2. Pain is necessary. Pain is a natural part of life, they reasoned, so it should not be avoided. To achieve anything meaningful, pain is necessary. If I want to build muscle mass, I have to lift weights. No pain, no gain! Pain, therefore, should not be avoided, but accepted and even sought after!