Marypause

Marypause is part reflection, part painful, part comical memoir exploring my whole physical life as a woman and young girl. The body is a funny thing until it isn't.

Boobs are funny, balls are funny, and farts are funny- but only when they're yours. Menopause, not so funny.

One day, you think you're having a heart-attack. Next day, you're crying like you're auditioning for Niagara Falls: The Non Musical. I was Oblivia Newton-John about hormones. Not anymore.

"To the daughters, mothers, lovers, friends, co-workers of those women who, due to public disregard and medical neglect, find themselves where I was. In hormonal exile. In avoidable hell. In the land of the lost. And what we have lost is balance. Because without hormones, there is no balance, no communication with the body and so many of its primary functions, and without that, comes chaos and mayhem.

We're forgetting, we're sweating. We're aching, we're faking. We're foggy, we're groggy. We're itchy, we're bitchy. And we're losing; patience, hair, bone density, muscle mass, bladder control, tempers, marriages and jobs.

All because our hard-working hormones have taken indefinite long-service leave - with no intention of ever coming back.

Joni Mitchell once said, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." As I prefer to describe menopause, hormones are King. And Elvis has left the building. But the show must go on." Mary Coustas

Applause for Marypause

"Thank God Mary finally came to her senses and wrote this book. For years I stumbled around in a thick, dense fog. Had we moved to London and nobody told me?" - Mary's Brain

"I was so hormonally dehydrated-like a dry piece of toast. But hallelujah, the butter's back! Yes, this once-parched pussy is now splashing around at seniors Wet'n'Wild."- Mary's Vagina

"Mary jokes in her book about nearly pushing me down the stairs. Ha ha. Truth is, I thought about throwing myself first! Anything to escape the living hell called Marypause."- Mary's Husband

"You can't judge a book by its cover. Trust me, I've bought a lot of books with covers only to find nothing but writing on the inside. This book is no different. All words. No pictures. Kill me now."

- Effie, Mary's award-winning character

About Mary Coustas

For over 35 years Mary Coustas has been a household name and one of Australia's most loved actors, writers, comedians and keynote speakers. In 1987, she joined the groundbreaking stage show Wogs out of Work. In 1989, her iconic character Effie starred in the TV hit, Acropolis Now. Mary has toured many critically acclaimed one-woman shows including Love Me Tinder, Better Out Than In, UpYourselfness and Effie the Virgin Bride. She has also authored two books: Effie's Guide to Being Up Yourself and her personal memoir, All I Know, detailing her heartbreaking journey to motherhood. Mary has starred in Hercules Returns, Wildside and The Secret Life of Us. Recently, Mary starred in her critically acclaimed first ever Mary one-woman show, This Is Personal, at the Sydney Opera House, as well as Strife, Sunny Nights and Dancing With the Stars.