Joe Jurassic

One Man. One Dream. Zero Credibility.

When Buck Joseph, former monster truck driver turned "dino-entrepreneur," opens Thunder Valley Dino-tainment Park, he promises thrills, spills, and a hands-on encounter with creatures that definitely should not exist.

Armed with a leash, a lighter, and way too much confidence, Buck's roadside empire is a glitter-soaked disaster barely holding together. But when a baby T-Rex bites his hand off during a livestream, the internet crowns him king of e-reptile dysfunction-and reality TV comes knocking.

Soon, Buck is wrestling fame, prehistoric livestock, and a teeny raptor with diva energy, all while the park teeters on the edge of total combustion.

With sponsors bailing, chaos rising, and his dreams literally going up in smoke, Buck has one last shot:

A live, pay-per-view dinosaur battle royale.

Because in Thunder Valley, extinction is just a marketing strategy.

1-star
"You get what you pay for, and apparently I paid for tetanus."
-Brenda L., Fort Worth, TX
Brought my twins for the "Raptor Petting Zoo." Left with a strong suspicion those weren't actual raptors. One of them hissed "Karen" at me before stealing my purse. Security offered me a coupon for a churro. The churro was also a mistake.

3-star
"Chaos. Mayhem. A surprising amount of glitter."
-Derek S., Albuquerque, NM
If you like your dinosaurs with side-eye and sideboob, this is the place. The T-Rex had a mullet and what I think was a grill. Pretty sure the Triceratops was vaping. My kids had the time of their lives. My wife has not spoken to me since.

1-star
"Saw a dino fight a raccoon over a funnel cake. Would not return."
-Linda M., Sarasota, FL
The velociraptor had a nose ring and kept trying to sell me crypto. Buck rode in on a Segway dressed as a Flintstone and shouted "Welcome to the THUNDERDOME!"

5-star
"So bad it looped back around to amazing."
-Kyle W., Austin, TX
Was it safe? No.
Was it sanitary? Also no.

2-star
"Dino-sized disappointment."
-Tanya B., Tulsa, OK
The stegosaurus photobombed our family portrait by vomiting behind my husband. Somehow, still better than Chuck E. Cheese.

5-star
"A spiritual journey."
-Ethan G., Portland, OR
Went ironically. Stayed unironically. Buck signed my forehead with a Sharpie and whispered "We're all extinct on the inside." 10/10 would emotionally unravel here again.