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I lost my grandfather when I was eighteen, my mother when I was twenty-one, and my father when I was twenty-three.
For years, I thought surviving meant being strong enough to carry everything alone. I kept my grief hidden, told people I was fine, and convinced myself that if I ignored reality long enough, I could live somewhere else inside my head.
I was wrong.
I Must Not Break is a personal account of grief, regret, fear, pride, envy, love, and the uncomfortable process of becoming someone I could finally accept. It isn't a guide to overcoming loss, and it isn't a story about finding all the answers. It's simply an attempt to be honest about what happened, what I became because of it, and what I'm still trying to understand.
I've learned that grief doesn't disappear. That loving people means showing them while they're still here. That failure is better than never trying. That being yourself doesn't mean being bitter. And that surviving is not the same thing as living.
I'm still figuring out what comes next.
For now, I'm here.
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