FALL RISK

In FALL RISK: The Memoir of a Man Who Only Wanted to Pee Alone, Frank Shumard turns a five-day hospital stay into a hilariously honest, painfully relatable, and unexpectedly uplifting memoir. From the moment a bright-red "FALL RISK" wristband is slapped on him like a parole ankle monitor, Frank realizes he has entered a world where nothing is private, the bed alarms have trust issues, and nurses can smell rebellion from down the hall.

With razor-sharp humor, he chronicles:

• The Bed Escape Alarm Olympics

• The IV Pole Grand Prix

• Popsicles: the last surviving joy in hospital cuisine

• Angels in scrubs... and the occasional demon in discount perfume

• And the tragic downfall of human dignity when a man just wants to stand up without triggering NASA

This is a book for anyone who has ever been a patient, loved a patient, or wondered why hospital gowns are designed by people who clearly hate humans. You'll laugh. You'll cringe. You'll question the entire healthcare décor industry.

But most of all, you'll cheer for a man whose only goal-his Everest-is to pee without an audience.