Dog Owner's Manual (Written by Dogs)

Think you're a dog owner?
Incorrect. You are support staff.

Dog Owner's Manual (Written by Dogs) is the only guide humans were never meant to read-but desperately need. Written from the canine point of view, this laugh-out-loud parody reveals the unspoken rules, routines, and expectations dogs have been following all along.

Straight from the snout of authority, dogs finally explain how humans should behave, when snacks must be delivered, and why walks are not optional but a constitutional right. Equal parts absurd and accurate, this book translates everyday dog behavior into "official" instructions your dog assumes you already understand.

Inside, you'll discover essential canine-approved regulations, including:

• Treat Distribution Standards (more is correct, less is unacceptable)

• Walk Scheduling Protocols (late walks will be remembered)

• Sofa & Bed Ownership Clauses (shared in theory, owned by dogs in practice)

• Door Monitoring Procedures (barking is a form of communication)

• Emergency Food Detection Systems (even sealed bags are not safe)

• Emotional Support Operations (staring at you fixes everything)

From the dramatic greeting ritual when you return home to the mysterious need to follow you into every room, every page captures the daily reality of life with a dog-told by the ones who believe they're in charge.

Why this book makes the perfect gift:

• A hilarious parody written entirely from a dog's perspective

• Instantly relatable for dog parents, dog lovers, and anyone owned by a dog

• Ideal for birthdays, holidays, housewarmings, or last-minute gifts

• A light, fast read that works as both a coffee-table book and conversation starter

Your dog already lives by these rules.
Now you can finally read them.