Caught Looking

Caught Looking is a series of short literary memoirs of the moments in life that taught me the most about myself and changed my trajectory forever. In each of my stories, I was caught looking every time, but for the reader, they are reminders that whatever life throws at you, when you are caught looking, you have the power and the opportunity to learn from that experience and do something different. The baseball reference focuses on being at the plate with a full count and watching the last strike come in across the plate. You just stand there and take it as if you didn't see it happening- then you're out. The next rotation sees you back at the plate; the last experience shaped you to do something different this time at bat so you mindfully decide to repeat the same patterns or change. You learned by taking a moment to pay attention. That mindfulness extends to the process, you monitor, and you adjust to not "get caught" again. Either way you're moving forward and challenging yourself to be better, because you're worth it. My family grew up with baseball and in my heart, I believe one can learn a lot from the game and extend it to the game of life. Understanding this metaphor literally, and figuratively, saved my life more times than I can count.

This first story isn't about blame; it's about awakening and is designed to remind anyone who has lived through the quiet chaos of emotional entanglement that healing is possible with understanding, forgiveness, and boundaries. The best gift I could give us both was to release him from our bond. His leisure activities fill his voids not as a coping skill but as avoidance tactics. It didn't honor me to be one of his hobbies. When you love someone who builds his or her life on illusion, you can lose sight of your own reflection. You start to bend towards their needs, their pain, their expectations - until you can't tell where you end and their trauma begins. Practicing mindfulness helped me realize the situation with clarity and gentleness towards everyone involved. My truth is that survival isn't just about escaping another person or a situation It's about returning to yourself - to your instincts, your body, your wholeness. I believe that is the part most people miss when they experience any change in their lives and I don't want the reader to do that; I want the reader to be mindful of their power and control they have over their life trajectory with a calm and gentle precision, and to let go and see what happens without judgment. I am still learning, still healing, still creating my masterpiece - one day, one breath at a time. I believe, love - gentle and kind - waits quietly, patiently and whole, and trusting the process is like trusting the flowing river always finds its way home