Bill the Biker

Bill Butcher is seven feet tall, has seven teeth, and loves the freedom of riding his custom Harley down an endless road - assuming there's beer at the end. He's never started a fight, but he's ended quite a few. He was too aware of being enormous as a child, and when your momma's idea of good parenting is throwing you sardines in a wading pool and making you pretend to be a seal, you never develop what might be called healthy self-esteem.

So, when Nellie Florentino enters Bill's life and stays for more than three days, Bill is conflicted and confused. Nellie, on the other hand, knows what she wants and will make sure Bill knows it, too. Men need a little prompting, and sometimes a little percussive maintenance. Nellie will throw in her heart for free.

When Bill has the chance to inherit a fortune in the form of a diner chain willed to him by his mother's immigrant lover. Nellie convinces him to take it. All they have to do is travel two thousand miles in three days to reach the courthouse, while fending off mercenaries and goons sent by Norman Wuu, the nephew of the diner's owner and a criminal genius (in his own mind).

Oh, and there's a battle scene with scorpions. And one with Amish whoopie pies.